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The father of Henry Charles, 1878

The father of Henry Charles, 1878

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Our Story

Henry Charles was born in 1894 in Shamford, England, son of the legendary scalawag, Sir Hubert Charles.

Hubert Charles had originally been knighted by Queen Victoria for stopping a ring of counterfeiters. When it was suggested by Scotland Yard that he had in fact been ringleader of the group, he was stripped of his knighthood and sent to Australia on the HMS Basalt, where he worked in a sand mine for six years. After bribing his overseer with a counterfeit gold doubloon, he escaped to Tasmania and married the Dutch inn-owner, arms smuggler, and renowned beauty Wilhelmina Teensma, who gave birth to Henry Charles.

Upon the tragic death of formerly-Sir Hubert from a jellyfish bite, his young son learned that he had inherited 10,000 acres of prime bog land in Wales. Henry Charles took the next ship back to Britain, and sold his land for 4.8 million pounds sterling, an enormous fortune at the time. An avid collector of Arabian horses, Malaysian rubies, Russian porcelain, and Latvian wives, Henry Charles’ wealth was invested, spent, lost, buried, stolen, blown up in a Zeppelin crash, and recovered. At the start of the First World War he felt inspired to become a pacifist Buddhist monk in the Himalayas, thus making him unqualified for military service.

When the war ended, he moved back to London and built a successful business producing bullets and artillery shells. The improper storage of dynamite, however, destroyed his factory and a neighboring cheese shop. At the time of the explosion Charles was fortunately safe inside his Chelsea mansion, which due to an acute case of agoraphobia he had not left in the previous three months.

Despairing at the loss of his business, he moved to Yugoslavia to pursue his true calling, the raising of ducks. After four months he realized that this was also not his true calling. Over the next 16 years he dabbled in coal mining, deep-sea diving, gyrocopter engineering, beekeeping, Rabbinical studies, nomadic herding, dentistry, and poaching. When none of these ventures provided sufficient income to support his luxurious lifestyle, he started a publishing house, called Henry Charles Press.

In 1943, Henry Charles was struck by lightning while talking on the phone to Emperor Hirohito, and died instantly. The firm passed to his favorite son, Karl Henry Charles, who disappeared eight years later after the spacecraft he had designed and built crashed into the Atlantic Ocean. His brother, Charles Karl Charles, led the company until his death from poisoning in 1963. After the feud between his children, Charlotte, Henrietta, and Charles Junior, ended with two counts of arson and a successful assassination, the firm entered into a briefly successful period under the management of their cousin, Carlos Enrique Charles II.  It is now run jointly by a board of directors made up of his children, Charles-Henry Charles, Charles Herbert Charles, Karl Charles, Herbert “Herbie” Charles Charles, Charlotte Henrietta Carlita Charles, and Curly.